Saturday, April 21, 2012

Bon Voyage

The day has finally arrived-- the day that I leave for the Wanderbird!  It's been weird for the past couple of weeks since I got back from LA, because I'm missing LA, but I'm looking ahead to the Wanderbird, and at the same time I'm feeling like I don't want to let go of my life here, but I'm getting ready for the transition...I'm transitioning away from one transition right into another transition with no space in between.

I've also been getting used to the idea that life is going to continue and nothing is going to stand still and wait for me to get back.  I've had a few conversations with my mom and other people about how I'm worried that something bad is going to happen while I'm gone (I've got a pretty bad track record with being out of town when family dogs die-- knock on wood).  But the thing I have to realize is, whether I'm here or not, it still would have happened, so would it be better to be there when it did or to be away?  I don't know-- maybe being away would soften the maybe that's a good thing.

But besides having potential disasters running through my head, I'm also teaching myself to accept the fact that people are going to keep doing what they're doing, despite my absence.  It feels pretty self-centered to even say that I would have thought that everyone would stop what they were doing for 6 months, but that's not really what I was thinking.  I just never really considered the fact that things could change dramatically; my friends at Emerson are moving into their own apartment off campus; my sister, A, is going to move to Missouri with her boyfriend; my parents might rearrange the house!!  But the fact is, me being gone doesn't change the fact that those things are going to happen, and, although I'm kind of putting my own life (as it is here and now) on hold, no one else could possibly be expected to do that...unless, of course, they were going to sail around in a fishing trawler for 6 months I guess.

Anyway, it's weird to think about missing things.  I don't want to miss anything, but that's impossible.  The good thing is, they have a satellite phone on the boat, so if someone really needs to tell me something, they can leave a message at the boat's onshore office and I won't go more than 24ish hours without hearing about it (because they do check their messages).

So that's that.  You won't be hearing from me on this blog for quite a while.  Actually, it might be never again- I don't know.  Because I may start a new blog.  But don't worry- I'll let you know.  Bye for now!
The tree is is a metaphor...get it?

Monday, April 9, 2012

Pros and cons: self-awareness

They say ignorance is bliss, but if you're ignorant about your own mind, it doesn't work out as well.

One of my greatest strengths, in my opinion, has always been self-awareness.  For some reason, I've always been relatively good at realizing what I'm feeling or doing and (usually) why.  It's nice because it helps me figure out what I want to change about myself.  Of course, just because I can see a solution doesn't make it any easier to achieve it, although it's better than the position of those who can't even see their problem.

Self-awareness can also get in the way, though.  Sometimes, I'm too aware of what's going on internally, and when I can't change something negative right away, I start feeling self-conscious about it.  And when I change, I notice it, and it weirds me out.  For example, I've noticed that I became a little bit more mature and confident in myself during my time in LA.  However, I have this habit of reverting to my old ways when I'm around my family, which I think is relatively normal.  But I love my family so much, and they are still a HUGE part of who I am.  This makes it hard when I'm around them now (all of my siblings were home for Easter as a surprise for my parents) and I feel myself reverting to a little bit less mature version of myself.  I hate it.  I love my family and how they help me grow, but it's hard when all that goes along with a less desirable side of myself showing itself on the outside.  So that's something I need to work on.

There are some things about myself that I don't understand quite as well as my maturity and the way it's affected by certain people.  I get annoyed with myself when I don't understand what's going on.  I'll be feeling something that doesn't make any sense and then I'll get all irritated because it doesn't make any sense.  It's actually kind of funny because I do the same thing with other people.  I try really hard (internally) to understand people's little quirks, and even when they're weird and I don't think they're good quirks, I'm able to get over it.  But when I simply can't understand something that someone does, I just get really frustrated by it.  I guess I sort of treat myself the same way that I treat other people...I just understand myself a little bit more.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

The last few days in pictures.

I think this is the longest I've gone without blogging since I started the blog.  I've just been too busy.  Since my dad got here, we've been go-go-go.  We went and did the touristy stuff that I never got to do in Hollywood:

This isn't touristy- it's just hilarious.
Drove 9 hours up the beautiful Pacific Coast Highway:

elephant seals

...did some pretty insensible, dangerous things.
...took a picture of the sunset over the Pacific Ocean
Went to San Francisco!

...looked at sea lions on Pier 39
...went to Ghirardelli Square and saw how they make chocolate (and ate some too)
...crossed the Golden Gate Bridge.
...and went to the Muir Woods to look at the redwood trees.
Then we drove back to LA (only 6 1/2 hours this time- we took a different route), and tomorrow we're flying home!  Hooray!